My Mom mentioned Jason’s birthday.
It started a brain spin that inevitably led to yet another attack of the Mom tears.
June 16… he will be 23.
June 16 (smile) Jason never did like having his birthday so close to the last day of school.
June 16…Georgia’s last day of school. Last day of school
Friday is Sammy’s last day of school.
Tears.
Nineteen years of school, most good years and some not so good. But they were years of learning for her and years of normalcy for me. She may not have learned how to read but they taught her how to take off her coat. She learned how to make friends. She taught them how to be friends. She learned so much, more then I ever thought she would.
Graduation day is a mile stone in the life of a child. Don’t you all remember your graduation? The parties…hanging you tassel on the rear view mirror? The look of pride and shock on your Mom’s face? (Well my Mom’s) I still have my diploma and a stack full of pictures. (Plus a pile of faded cards)
My baby girl won’t have any of those memories, parties, the tassel, diploma or cards. She won’t mind. She will just continue on happy…not knowing or caring. She might eventually wonder what happened to all her friends and I am sure they will never forget her. But she adapt to this new change, what ever it will be.
For Samantha Joy this will be just another day. I wish I could say the same.
***If you follow my writings you know that I have just posted an edited version of what I wrote last week. But there is more to the story. After this I hope I can put it all to rest, go on with our new life. (Sammi’s and mine)
What was getting to me? Why was I so sad? Because I hate change? Sure. Because I hate the unknown? That is a given. Yesterday I finally realized that what I wanted was what I wrote. I wanted to celebrate! She earned high honors more than most graduates. She worked harder than I ever did in my school days. I should have been shouting ‘Yea Samantha’. I should have been telling others how proud I am of her. She has accomplished so much.
I didn’t. I didn’t even realize that this was so important to me. This epiphany came after an acknowledgement of the graduates in our church. I was so upset thinking aw poor me I wanted this for my daughter but she isn’t part of this. Later I found a card and graduation gift from her teachers in a huge bin of her ‘stuff’ that had accumulated over the years. And I finally knew that this really was a time of celebration! That was what I longed for didn’t know.
To be fair my friends and family were trying so hard to let me grieve, knowing that really I don’t like what I have always felt was unearned praise. Mostly that I can be very moody and they didn’t want to make it worse. I love them because of that. I could have told them…I knew our church was honoring the graduates. I didn’t even tell a lot of our family. My pain was caused by no one but myself.
I am NOT asking for cards and gifts. I plan to celebrate ‘Samantha’ on her birthday. But for now, will together celebrate with a Mommy and me day…hair cuts and color, shopping and swinging at the park. Plus a huge bag of chips with a French fry chaser! This is what she likes the most and she deserves it!
But if you have a moment…email or facebook us. Just a line letting the world know how proud you are of HER!!!
You go girl!
It started a brain spin that inevitably led to yet another attack of the Mom tears.
June 16… he will be 23.
June 16 (smile) Jason never did like having his birthday so close to the last day of school.
June 16…Georgia’s last day of school. Last day of school
Friday is Sammy’s last day of school.
Tears.
Nineteen years of school, most good years and some not so good. But they were years of learning for her and years of normalcy for me. She may not have learned how to read but they taught her how to take off her coat. She learned how to make friends. She taught them how to be friends. She learned so much, more then I ever thought she would.
Graduation day is a mile stone in the life of a child. Don’t you all remember your graduation? The parties…hanging you tassel on the rear view mirror? The look of pride and shock on your Mom’s face? (Well my Mom’s) I still have my diploma and a stack full of pictures. (Plus a pile of faded cards)
My baby girl won’t have any of those memories, parties, the tassel, diploma or cards. She won’t mind. She will just continue on happy…not knowing or caring. She might eventually wonder what happened to all her friends and I am sure they will never forget her. But she adapt to this new change, what ever it will be.
For Samantha Joy this will be just another day. I wish I could say the same.
***If you follow my writings you know that I have just posted an edited version of what I wrote last week. But there is more to the story. After this I hope I can put it all to rest, go on with our new life. (Sammi’s and mine)
What was getting to me? Why was I so sad? Because I hate change? Sure. Because I hate the unknown? That is a given. Yesterday I finally realized that what I wanted was what I wrote. I wanted to celebrate! She earned high honors more than most graduates. She worked harder than I ever did in my school days. I should have been shouting ‘Yea Samantha’. I should have been telling others how proud I am of her. She has accomplished so much.
I didn’t. I didn’t even realize that this was so important to me. This epiphany came after an acknowledgement of the graduates in our church. I was so upset thinking aw poor me I wanted this for my daughter but she isn’t part of this. Later I found a card and graduation gift from her teachers in a huge bin of her ‘stuff’ that had accumulated over the years. And I finally knew that this really was a time of celebration! That was what I longed for didn’t know.
To be fair my friends and family were trying so hard to let me grieve, knowing that really I don’t like what I have always felt was unearned praise. Mostly that I can be very moody and they didn’t want to make it worse. I love them because of that. I could have told them…I knew our church was honoring the graduates. I didn’t even tell a lot of our family. My pain was caused by no one but myself.
I am NOT asking for cards and gifts. I plan to celebrate ‘Samantha’ on her birthday. But for now, will together celebrate with a Mommy and me day…hair cuts and color, shopping and swinging at the park. Plus a huge bag of chips with a French fry chaser! This is what she likes the most and she deserves it!
But if you have a moment…email or facebook us. Just a line letting the world know how proud you are of HER!!!
You go girl!
Beautiful, Dawn
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