I wrote this in January 2010...
have several ‘ramblings’ on the back burner of my twisting spinning overactive mind. I write in my head all the time. It can be quite annoying, yet posting seems to calm the unspoken thoughts inside me!! But all too often as I write I know it will never be enough, that these demons will never quiet. They will never leave me alone, there is just too much to share…there is just to much that shouldn’t be shared…there is just to much that can never be shared.
Shush now. Monday…
“Bi Polar…It is what you have, not what you are”. This has been told to me by one of my closest friends more than once. I have never quite understood this statement because I have dealt with it almost all of my life. It is what I am.
It is what so many in my family have been for generations. I couldn’t have just started with Grandma or my natural father. What about Great grandparents? Great-great Grandparents? I know very little past two generations. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, siblings…is it what they have or who they are?
Yet, why am I Bi polar and Duane is not? It is on both sides of the family. Oh lord, Please protect our children…our grandchildren and their children. I have seen it skip generations. Cousins without…daughters with. This side of heaven I may never know. But wouldn’t it be amazing if the gene could be fond and quieted for them. Yes it is what I have. A disease, hereditary, chemical, controllable... but not curable. Tuesday
It is what I am? Bi Polar. My Doctor told me, ‘if you must have a mental disease than this is the one to have.’ So many creative, talented, successful people are Bi polar. This is a short list that I have edited for space… (I took out most athletes and politicians ‘cause I just don’t care!)
Buzz Aldrin, astronaut
Hans Christian Andersen, writer
Ned Beatty, actor
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821), general
Tim Burton, artist, movie director
Jim Carrey, actor
Agatha Christie, mystery writer
Winston Churchill, 1874-1965
Francis Ford Coppola, director
Emily Dickinson
Patty Duke (Anna Duke Pearce), actor, writer
T S Eliot, poet
Ralph Waldo Emerson, essayist
Carrie Fisher, writer, actor
Robert Frost
F Scott Fitzgerald, author
Larry Flynt, magazine publisher
Sigmund Freud, physician
Cary Grant, actor
Shecky Greene, comedian, actor
Mark Twain, author
Is this why I want to be a writer…an artist? Is this why my house is purple and there is a duck butt in my living room? Is this why I love my bright orange burlap tunic with my pink pants?
About four years ago I came out of the mental illness closet. I hope at least one of you was surprised?! This took three days so technically I have kept to my goal of writing every day (except Sunday). I suspect I will have to write more on this subject…so much to share!
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